On Tuesday evening, I had the distinct pleasure of being a panelist for the inaugural mentorWIT event, “Transform Your Career Through Mentorship.” The other three panelists and I shared our thoughts and insight on mentorship for women in tech. Below are some of the questions we were asked (as well as a few we didn’t have time for) and a rough overview of my answers. I thought these might be helpful for anyone looking for mentorship in tech, or any other industry for that matter.
What is your experience with mentorship? How did your mentorship relationships usually develop? Did mentorship have an impact on your professional growth and career path? Do you have success stories to share? What was the biggest challenge you had to overcome in your career?
I’ve had various different mentors in my career. I think the key is realizing that mentorship takes many different forms: Formal, informal or a just a keeping in touch type of relationship, I would even consider people I don’t know in real life to be mentors. For me, the informal mentors — including past bosses and colleagues have been the most fruitful.
The biggest challenge for me in my career was really figuring out what I wanted to be when I “grew up.” It took me until my early thirties to figure out that product management was the right fit. I didn’t figure that out until I was in my role at Clearly and my boss, who was a truly great mentor, was acting as a PM. Watching him and then having the opportunity to work with a PM at an agency we partnered with, made me realize what I wanted in my career.
I don’t think either of those people would call themselves my mentors but the job they were doing and the way they behaved set me on a course that I am eternally grateful for.
What is your most important advice to mentees and mentors to make the most out of their relationship? How and where would you recommend finding mentors? What are some of the expectations from the mentees?
Know what you want out of the relationship. Do you need someone to bounce technical problems off of? Do you want someone to help pump you up when you need to negotiate a job offer or raise? Do you need someone to give you honest feedback about how you come off in the workplace?
Going back to my previous answer, I think that mentors can show up in many places — in fact, I’d argue that asking someone to formally be your mentor is one of the worst ways to find a mentor. Mentors are human and the word mentor is a bit loaded. Mentorship is like any relationship: It should build over time and be based on communication, trust and mutual respect. Mentors can be anywhere, they can be your peers, your boss, your friends, your parents, your parents’ friends, someone in another industry. They may not even need to know that you consider them a mentor.
If you are on the lookout for an actual, formal mentor, approach someone who has specifically said that they are open to that at events like this mentorWIT. The only formal mentor relationship I’ve had, began by me approaching a speaker after a WordCamp event. We struck up an acquaintance and kept in touch regularly. That mentor offered to mentor me based on those regular conversations we had and was instrumental through a tough career transition away from running my own business.
As for expectations from mentees, I think number one, be respectful of the mentors time: Follow good email etiquette, contact them when you say you will and via the medium they request, be punctual, and be prepared. For preparation, I mean, be prepared with the specific questions you want answered from a conversation with them or if there’s nothing specific, let them know that you just want to chat about an experience they’ve had that they think you could learn form. Do your homework. If they’ve previously recommended an article to you, read it. If you don’t know about their company, research it.
A Harvard Business Review article called “The Men Who Mentor Women” says that “Receiving mentorship from senior males can increase compensation and career progress satisfaction for women, particularly for those working in male-dominated industries.” Would you agree, and how do you think we can make this more prevalent?
I would agree with this. Most of my mentors have been male, and most of my bosses have been too. Like a lot of women, I tend to devalue my own accomplishments and I’ve found the male mentors in my life have been priceless, as far as reminding me that I do deserve that raise or that I should apply for that job. The truth is, many of them wouldn’t think as hard about “deserving” this or that and just going for it and not overthinking it is extremely helpful.
That said, I think that men have a big role to play in helping female-identifying folx reach higher heights. If you want to be an ally to those who identify as women, one of the easiest places to start, even easier than mentoring, is to ensure that you are helping them be heard — in meetings use your voice to say, “I’d like to hear what Jane thinks,” or saying “hey, we cut Jane off, what were you saying Jane?” And once they are heard, make sure you give them credit for their ideas. You don’t have to be annoying about giving credit, but be on the look out for their ideas getting absorbed and spoken about later by someone else as their own. This happens way more often than you’d think.
Do you think formal mentorship has a different value than just encouraging people to go and ask and create their own informal relationships? What is the value of a formal mentorship?
I don’t think that formal versus informal mentorship has different value necessarily. I think they can serve different purposes at different times. Formal mentorship can be great when you need structure to achieve your goals. For example, if you are truly struggling at work and may be at risk of being let go or demoted, formal mentorship can really be the tool to get out of that situation. You need actionable steps that somewhat force progress on you. This could be true when trying to accelerate towards a promotion or career change too.
I also think any mentor relationship can and should give something to the mentor. Mentors should be getting something out of the relationship too: It could be a different viewpoint or a sense of giving back to their community. In order to give your mentor something though, you have to be vulnerable enough to talk about the true issues you are seeking guidance on. If 2020 has taught us one thing it should be that it’s okay to not be okay.
I would encourage people to create informal mentor relationships at every single state of your career however. Constant learning is the key to career progression and what better way to learn than from informal relationships. I’ve heard this referred to as having your own Personal Board of Directors.1 This can be a group of people, that you know in real life or not, who help guide your decision-making and actions throughout your career. Need someone for negotiating salary, who do you know that can help with that? Need some productivity inspiration, find some people on YouTube who inspire you? All of these people can be on your Board.
An interesting article called “Millennials Want Mentors, Not Managers” says that “Millennials want to meet new people, learn new skills and find a deeper meaning in their work. They want mentors who inspire and challenge them, who guide and coach them, who instil in them a greater sense of purpose”. I think this applies to many people regardless of their generation. What do you think about this statement? Do you agree?
I also think this applies to many generations. As an old millennial myself, it definitely applies to me. I think millennials are generally ambitious, more so than we’re given credit for. Now more than ever in 2020, with COVID-19, the spotlight on systemic racism and the politics, but even before 2020 with climate change, vast economic disparity etc. our futures feel very, very uncertain. I think the result of that is that we don’t have blinders on that those in positions of authority know everything. Instead, we look to our bosses and mentors as guides and examples of one way of doing things. I truly think it’s the uncertainty we face that has made us more fluid, more inclusive and really open to learning, more than being told what to do. I think we feel the need to validate things ourselves.
Trust is so important in any relationship. How do you build and nurture trust in a mentoring relationship?
In my experience, trust is built on consistency. This is true for any relationship! Do what you said you would do, when you said you were going to do it. Be respectful. Be willing to give, as much as you take. Be clear but kind in your communication. Don’t be afraid to apologize when needed. It’s pretty much that straightforward, in my opinion!
There is a lot of research that supports the fact that those who have mentors are more likely to get a promotion or a pay raise, what are some of the skills and attributes that result from having a mentor that set them apart from those who do not have a mentor?
Mentors are the best for bouncing tough conversations off of. I would argue that asking for what you deserve, even when you know you deserve it, it really hard. This is especially for those of use who identify as female because we’re generally taught to not appear ambitious. A mentor can tell you to just go for it, help you structure the argument as to why you should get that promotion or raise (you always need an argument based on your merit, not on your personal expenses). Mentors will help you build the skills to advocate for yourself.
On the flipside, a mentor can be a great sanity-check too. If you’re about to ask for a raise or promotion but haven’t done the work to get it, a mentor can help you recognize that, do the work and then go in for the promotion or raise with the right tools to get it. Some feedback is really hard to hear, but in the trajectory of your career, where your salary growth can be exponential over time, it’s better to deal with short-term discomfort and be put on the right path, as early as you can.
“I recently completed training in full stack software development and seeking mentorship from women in tech. Given that I’m very new to the industry and have a firing entrepreneur spirit, what advice can you give someone like me that wants to start a business in tech with very minimal experience? Has anyone from the speakers panel had an experience they’d like to share that relates to this and what did you learn from your experience in owning a business while new to the tech industry and practice? I greatly appreciate your response and guidance on this!!”
Yes! I 100% did this. After several years in publishing, I went back to school in my mid-twenties to learn front-end development, with a goal of starting my own WordPress development business. First of all, I would say that you are on the right track looking for a mentor. To be honest, my advice would be to go work for someone else for at least a year. This has a few advantages, you can learn from someone else’s mistakes, you’ll gain connections and mentors you wouldn’t have normally had, and it should help give you a leg up on saving money or paying off student loans for when you go out on your own.
When I started my business, I had several years of real world work experience but very little money in the bank. I believe that the work experience I had — working for another entrepreneur — was key to my business’s success. Ultimately though, my business was not sustainable because I didn’t have any financial cushion in place, which caused me more anxiety than I was willing to put up with over time.
What’s the most important piece of advice you would like to leave everyone one here today with, as a key take away?
Much of your career trajectory will be defined by who you are as a person and your ability to build all types of relationships — mentor relationships included. School is super important and always a good investment, but make sure you are also learning how to strike up a conversations with someone, how to reach out to people in a low pressure way. The soft skills don’t get the respect they deserve. School and skills will get your foot in the door, but being a human people want to work with and want to help progress is the most important advice I can give you.
How to really do that will differ but the best way I know how is to really get comfortable with yourself and all of your strengths and quirks — you can do that through reflection, therapy, meditation, hiking, all that good self care stuff.
Then, lower the stakes for yourself. If you’re nervous about approaching people, just tell yourself this round is practice! It’s a muscle you have to work on. Reach out to a handful of people this week that you don’t want anything from. That way, when you have to reach out to someone where the stakes are higher, who you do want something from, that muscle is toned and ready to go.
Lastly, maintain the relationships you have. As long as you haven’t done anything to negatively impact the relationship in the past, most people welcome a friendly message once in a while. Don’t over think this! I simple, “Hey! I read an article that made me think of you, and wanted to see how you are.” or the 2020 edition, “Hi! Things have been so crazy this year, I was wondering how things are going for you.” Don’t overthink the reach out, just go for it and do it soon. Dr. Melanie Peacock, who was on the panel too, had a great tip for this too. Make sure you reach out when you don’t need something. Nothing makes you feel less excited to help someone when they reach out for help after not having talked to you in years.
Kate Moore Hermes 