I originally wrote this post in 2016 and it has sat in my drafts folder until now. This is a story about overcoming burnout, something I experienced at the end of 2014/beginning of 2015. Given the state many of us are in balancing work — or lack thereof, family and personal obligations during a global pandemic these days, I thought this post might be helpful right now. When I went through my own burnout, I scoured the internet for practical resources to help me and couldn’t find anything that spoke to me — I’m sure there are things now. In case this is helpful to you, here’s what I went through and how I got out of it.

Burnout

In the fall of 2014, I was working full-steam on my business but I wasn’t doing very well. In September, my husband and I moved to a different apartment which precipitated me quitting my beloved swim team (too far away now, I thought) and got me out of the habit of running (I’d figure out my running route once we had settled in). We’d both run our own businesses for years and the wear of not having steady income in Vancouver, one of the priciest cities in Canada, started to feel like too much. By November, I was so unhappy that I laid on the couch for three straight weeks watching Gilmore Girls and ignoring my life completely. I started to feel so overwhelmed at the thought of even having to write an email, wash a dish or take a shower that I was glued to the couch, wearing the same pyjamas I’d wore for three days straight. I needed help.

While listening to Rory and Lorelei banter back-and-forth, it dawned on me: This was a burn-out. In the past saying I was burnt-out was a joke to make after a particularly bad week, when a beer, a good meal and a Saturday sleep-in could cure most things. This was different though. I was overwhelmed, couldn’t get the knot of anxiety out of my stomach and was so worried about (what I saw as) my underachievement that nothing could fix it.

Of course, while all of this was going on, my husband certainly wasn’t in the dark. We started talking about it A LOT. Then I opened up to my best friend about it. Then my business mentor. At some point (and I’m sure with some gentle encouragement from them) I realized I needed to deal with this in a way that Gilmore Girls and tea couldn’t solve. Below are some of the things I did to crawl out of my burn-out.

Overcoming burnout

Talked to my doctor

At some point I realized that I had to get some honest-to-goodness professionals involved. Though ultimately I wasn’t thrilled with all of my doctor’s suggestions, I felt that she needed to know that this was going on. She suggested anti-depressants. I declined them but have since thought that if this ever happens to me again, I’d definitely try them next time. She got me registered for BC’s Bounce Back program, which at the time offered over the phone counselling with companion workbooks.

Told my family and friends

They needed to know, if for no other reason than to help support me and keep me moving on the right path. People aren’t mind readers and they can’t help you if they don’t know what’s going on.

Involved my mentor

Before I started going down the burnout path, I had spoken to a peer in the WordPress community that I was involved in at that time, a handful of times about business stuff. Sometime in the fall, perhaps seeing that I was struggling quite a bit, he offered to formalize our mentor/mentee relationship by establishing weekly calls. As I got more in the weeds, he had me work through a couple of books, at first find better clients to work with and then, eventually help me get a great job. My mentor was also one of the people who told me straight up that I should seriously consider giving up my business, which I really needed to hear at the time.

Got good sleep

One of the things that I kept thinking during this time in my life was that if I could only get a good night’s sleep, I’d feel better. This one took a while to get nailed but has been instrumental in keeping my mood in check. For me, getting a good night’s sleep regularly meant actually going to bed at 10 (instead of just always saying I would and then staying up until midnight). The early bedtime was made much easier once I got my new job, because I had to be up so early, regularly. The next thing I did was I started to take a low dose of Melatonin for a few months (right for me, maybe not for you — I am not a doctor), just to really get me on a good sleep schedule. After that, we bought one of those alarm clocks that wakes you up with light and chirping birds. And finally, when we had recovered financially from my burnout, we bought a mattress to replace our ten-year-old hand-me-down.

Now, during this pandemic time, I’m seeing this slip for me again. I’m back to being up until midnight and have insomnia a lot, so this is something I need to revisit now.

Meditation

I am someone who loves to hate self-help books. I always think that they’re going to really change my life, but of course they never do. A while after I’d really gotten through the worst of the burnout, my husband and I were in a book shop in Victoria and he picked a book off the shelf called 10% Happier. He said “I feel like this is all you’re really asking for in life [to be 10% happier].”  I read the first few pages of the book and decided that if I was going to love a self-help book, this might be the one. The book is by Dan Harris, a reporter on Good Morning America who I could relate to. He’s ambitious, a perfectionist and has a voice in his head that just won’t quit. Above all though, he wrote in a funny and sarcastic way that I could get onboard with. His book is a touch sarcastic and (spoilers) he ended up 10% happier by meditating everyday. So I tried it. Just for five minutes and now 10. Meditation is hard. But, I discovered, from this self-deprecating book, that a) no one ever promised it wasn’t and b) there isn’t really a wrong way to meditate, so just get on with it. (I’m sure many people would disagree with me on that last point, but hey, it got me to do it.)

For me, meditation isn’t mind-blowing and I’m sure as hell not enlightened, but it has given me just a smidge of space between event and reaction. That smidge has helps me gain perspective and take things just a little less seriously, and that’s really all a gal can ask for.

For me, meditation isn’t mind-blowing and I’m sure as hell not enlightened, but it has given me just a smidge of space between event and reaction.

The practice of meditation is something that I’ve admittedly fallen on and off with since 2015. I’m finding it more important than ever during 2020 though. Its hands down the best way for me to handle anxiety.

Counselling

Before my burnout happened, I was fortunate to find a great counsellor. Being slightly prone to anxiety and depression before the burnout time, I had seen my counsellor on occasion over several years. When I started going down this spiral though, I realized that I needed to start seeing her regularly. At the time (no doubt between sobs on the couch into my gross pyjamas) I lamented to my husband that we didn’t have money to spend on counselling, especially if I wasn’t working because of how I was feeling. He very sagely told me to think of it in business terms: If counselling was a piece of software that would get my broken business working again, we’d most certainly pay for that. Given my mindset at the time, that was the exact right thing for him to say. I promptly made an appointment and started seeing her every few weeks for the next few months.

When I was really at my worst, my counsellor gave me some simple but great advice: Every day, do something for you, something for the house and something for work. Some days that list was shower, make the bed and send three emails, but as soon as I did those small things, it gave me a sense of accomplishment that compelled me to do a handful more things before retreating to Stars Hollow.

When I was really at my worst, my counsellor gave me some simple but great advice: Every day, do something for you, something for the house and something for work.

Simplification

Over time, I also realized that simplifying my life was going to make me happier. For me this actually meant something big, getting a standard 9-to-5 job, and not working from home anymore. Working from home meant that I could never, ever stop working. I loved this at first because I was so excited about my business but eventually it lead to a messiness in my life that I couldn’t stand. Simplification also meant things like clearing clutter from our apartment, setting up automatic bill payments, focusing on our patio container garden, going to fewer social and work obligations, cutting down on my second job at the time — teaching and frankly, just saying no to more things that I didn’t want to do. This one is still a work in progress, all these years later.

Exercise

The advice to get proper exercise was one that annoyed the shit out of me. It’s annoyingly obvious but unfortunately, it’s really good advice. I, like everyone else, have a love/hate relationship with exercise, but I didn’t realize just how much I leaned on it until it was gone. Even though it was one of the last things that I wanted to do, I got back on my old swim team and just decided that I’d spring for car sharing on swim nights because if I had to always take the bus, I knew I wouldn’t go as often as I needed to. Making getting exercise easier and more fun, makes me more likely to do it (I’m not going to pretend I’m perfect or even good at getting consistent exercise). During the pandemic, swimming in pools has been off the table, so I’m trying to walk and bike everywhere I can.

Fixing what’s broken

Ultimately, my burnout made me realize that where I was in my career at the time, wasn’t where I wanted to be. I had to get a job working for someone else to create the space and stability I needed to feel whole again. Once I made that decision the burnout started to lift. I still had a few months of running my business and looking for a job, but the light at the end of the tunnel was there. I’m going to say this in case you need to hear it, despite the perception in our society that working for yourself is the pinnacle of your work and career, if it doesn’t feel right, DON’T DO IT and don’t feel like it’s something you need to work towards.

I hope that some of the above is helpful to you. Of course, if you’re dealing with mental health issues, a post like this might not be all that helpful and you probably need to especially focus on the first point, talking to your doctor. I need to take my own advice in this post right now, the slow grind towards burnout because of the pandemic is very real for me some days.

Stay safe and healthy out there, and for goodness sake, wear a mask when you might be within two metres of another human. We’re all in this together.